Nothing says solitude

Nothing says solitude

Like

A rare pear

Basking in the

Monday morning

Raspberry sun

 

 

Stationery: Bits And Pieces

Whoever you are, you use stationery. Some of these items we take for granted are actually genius inventions that we can't do without, and as someone who constantly had to faff about in school with correction fluid, these correction tape dispensers shown at right were the light at the end of the tunnel. Gone were the dark days of dabbing brushes in correction fluid and waiting several minutes for it to dry, and the more recent days of correction pens that frequently got blocked up. Under the tape dispensers are two scratchboard tools given to me in 2016 by Jan Lowe of the Australian Guild of Realist Artists. One is a fibreglass-filament 'brush' and the other is a sharp point, both for scratching board surfaces.

The last item in my stationery showcase is a Cyclograph, a geometric drawing toy similar to Spirograph in the results it produces. As seen here, I spent many an hour as a kid producing these geometrically-patterned circles, but my Cyclograph is over 30 years old now and there are several cracks in the plastic. It's actually quite a brilliant invention. If you see one in a second-hand shop, grab it and don't look back.

Compilation Album Review: "Hot Or Wot"

Here's one of the earliest compilation albums from Australia that I have just added to my collection – only a buck on eBay!

Compilation: Hot Or Wot
Released: 1990 – RCA
Number of tracks: 17
Number one singles: None
Top ten singles: 5
Best track: "Infinity" by Guru Josh
Hidden gem: There aren't any songs here that I hadn't heard before.

An interesting one here – no number ones, but plenty of good stuff on offer. The biggest hits on Hot Or Wot are "How Can We Be Lovers" by Michael Bolton (the opening track), and "Mona" by Craig McLachlan & Check 1-2, which both reached number 3. There would probably be more than five top ten singles on here, if not for the curious fact that several songs – Taylor Dayne's "Love Will Lead You Back", The B-52s' "Roam", "Love Is" by Alannah Myles" and "I Remember You" by Skid Row – all peaked at number 11 or 12.

Anyway, who cares. Due to my habit of getting up way too early in the morning to watch the top 50 on Rage in its entirety, I am familiar with all 17 songs here. "Passion" by Bang The Drum I most remember for it being the song that came between Black Box and Technotronic on a VHS tape of mine where I taped the entire chart in May 1990. Speaking of whom, Technotronic's third single "This Beat Is Technotronic" is on here, sounding much louder than it does on the Technotronic album itself. Black Box's classic house piano track "I Don't Know Anybody Else" is here as well. Top stuff. Rave anthem "Infinity" is an essential addition too, as is Ben Liebrand's 1990 remix of "Black Betty" by Ram Jam – a most mysterious song to me in 1990 because it had no music video to promote it.

There are no lyrics included with this compilation – they hadn't started doing that yet. Instead you got a listing of the parent album each of the tracks were taken from. For Ram Jam it rather amusingly says "No album".

There's a few other denizens of the lower reaches of the charts: Jamie J. Morgan, Boom Crash Opera, Margaret Urlich...it's funny how songs like this might not necessarily be your favourites, but you remember them well enough anyway.

Rating: 7/10

Stationery: Rulers And Stencils

I have collected dozens of rulers and stencils over the years and thought I'd share some of them with you. Some are bog-standard, others somewhat rarer. In the photo on the right you can see your typical 15cm and 30cm plastic and metal dealies, along with a couple of rolling rulers for making parallel lines and arcs, as well as that odd metal protractor-with-a-ruler-attached contraption that I was sent from Hong Kong. The small KDK rolling ruler I picked up for spare change in some el-cheapo shop in the late '90s, while the Seikoshi rolling ruler was given to me in 1989.

These rulers here are an odd bunch: the top pink one was a free gift from my internet provider OCN in 2001 when I was living in Japan. The little dog attachment shuttles up and down the ruler when you tilt it. I'm not sure what purpose it serves other than to make a little noise. Next is a Yikes! novelty bendy ruler, bought in 1995, a slide rule given away as a free gift in the late '80s, and one of those bendable rulers for drawing curves with. Can't remember what they're called.

Now, onto the stencils. The ones you see here all date from the mid-'80s to the mid-'90s. The most dirty and used ones are made by Helix and are unbreakable – many a DIY sign back then was made with these. The larger green one was part of a kids' stationery set and was more of a novelty, as was the Gothic font one. Even now in the age of computer lettering, they have their own charm.





Finally we have two map-stencils from the UK and dated 1976; I wasn't born then, but someone in England gave me 'em. The green one is something anyone who attended high school in Australia would recognize: it's a Mathaid 4, a maths template which we used in school back then. They are still being made, so I guess they're still being used in schools. As you can see, unlike my 35+ year old Helix stencils, Mathaids are not unbreakable. But if you wanted to draw parabolæ, bell curves or sine waves, look no further.

One more stationery post, then it's back to business!

Compilation Album Review: "Do It Now!"

Compilation: Do It Now!
Released: 1991 – Warner
Number of tracks: 18
Number one singles: 2 – "Don't Go Now" by Ratcat, "Falling" by Julee Cruise
Top ten singles: 2
Best track: "How To Dance" by Bingoboys feat. Princessa
Hidden gem: "If A Vow" by The Hummingbirds

Here we have Do It Now!, a 1991 'pop'ular music compilation which by my reckoning was the last one released before the 100% Hits series commenced. I was going to review this later, but I may as well...say it with me...do it now!

It starts with its best track, which is typically how things go with these comps. "How To Dance" is seen as being a novelty pop-rap song without much substance (it may also be the first ever song to rhyme 'party' with 'Bacardi' [groan]), but hey, this was 1991. What were you expecting in pop music? Thought-provoking insights about the human condition? Well if you were, too bad. Instead you get a song that likens dancing to sex. Well I never.

Despite all this, actually, because of all this, I really liked "How To Dance" and still do. I was very close to buying the Bingoboys album, but you see, I had limited pocket money for buying cassettes in 1991. I had this rule that I would only buy an album if it had three songs on it that I liked. The 3-song rule served me well during my early teenage years!

After this comes "Ring My Bell" by Monie Love vs. Adeva. I'm not sure about the whole "versus" thing. They don't seem to be competing with each other for lyrical prowess. They let each other take turns on the vocals like any other civilized human beings. I used to make compilation tapes with songs off the radio (Take 40 again) and at first I used to write out only the song titles on the card, not the artist names. My friend Steve saw one of these tapes on a school camp and saw "Ring my bell" there, and wondered why I had a Collette song on my tape. I quickly reassured him it wasn't the Collette song, it just had the same name. Later that day, I got beat up in the dorm. (Not really. But I would have if it had have been Collette.)

Another standout track is "Mea Culpa Part 2" by Enigma. You know, I heard this song played in 1991 on Take 40 (as a one-off since it didn't chart) and liked it; it's still pretty good, but nowhere near as good as "Sadness Part 1", despite its similar structure and instrumentation.

This compilation isn't so hot with high-charting hits. It has the two abovementioned number 1 singles "Don't Go Now" and "Falling", which both only topped the charts for one week. "Don't Go Now" is still a joyous blast of guitars, whereas "Falling" is still an irritable dirge from a sucky TV show. I definitely wasn't watching Twin Peaks when I was 13. I'd rather watch the back of the fridge.

"Soul Eater" by Clouds is on here, and although it was their highest-charting song (the Loot EP, number 22), it hasn't aged too well. Unlike the mighty "Anthem" which was to come later, which is still their finest moment. And speaking of follow-up singles, we also have "Love School" by Divinyls on here, which was the follow-up to the biggest Australian single of 1991, "I Touch Myself". "Love School" only got to number 43, and listening to it now, it's hard to tell why it was picked for the tough job of following-up their previous number 1.

It's basically a tuneless dirge with none of the playfulness (and play with yourself-ness, snigger snigger) of their previous hit. What's funny is that on Do It Now! it's followed by "Blue Hotel" by Chris Isaak which is actually what "Love School" could have sounded like if it had been rocked up a bit and given a shot in the arm to jolt it out of its coma. "Blue Hotel" got to number 23, so draw your own conclusions.

Rating: 5/10

 

Compilation Album Review: "Summer '89"

Compilation: Summer '89
Released: 1988 – BMG Arista/Ariola
Number of tracks: 18
Number one singles: None
Top ten singles: 9
Best track: "Wild Wild West" by The Escape Club
Hidden gem: "Sexy Girl" by Sabrina

This is the compilation I have spent the most on so far! I paid $20.50 for it on eBay, and believe me, I'd seen copies on sale for a LOT more. I'm not sure why I spent so much – it's not like there are any tracks on it I HAD to have – but it looks like a true time capsule item to me. Look at that artwork! That's Australia in the late '80s, innit. This came out at the tail end of 1988 and is called simply Summer '89. Although this is the southern hemisphere so it should be Summer '88/'89 if'n ya wanna be technical about it.

It kicks off with, what else, FARNSEY. In 1988 FARNSEY sat astride the Australian music scene like a...a...big stridey thing. There was no escape from his powerhouse mullet and resplendent vocals (sorry, I'm partial to a bit of adjective swap). That tortured metaphor about the honey and the bee is the only naff part of "Two Strong Hearts", otherwise it's a solid Oz Rok™ tune®. As is Noiseworks' "Touch", heard on commercials for insurance for over two decades, and "If I Could" by 1927, their biggest hit and a fine example of pop-rock they continued into the '90s, but unfortunately not as many people were paying attention.

If you want regular Rok™, there's Bon Jovi, Poison and Guns N' Roses here. But remember, it's only recommended in small doses. You have been warned! Oddly enough it's Poison, with "Fallen Angel", that's the most tolerable of these three.

Yazz was another guilty '80s pleasure. Accept to imitators for the acid-house sound – looking at you, Collette. I reckon you'd need a good dose of helium to sing this, though. Sabrina Salerno's breasts also feature here with "Sexy Girl" – as an example of '80s Italian pop, it's not half bad, although it appears whoever wrote the song forgot to write an ending.

Oh man, that novelty Kylie Mole song, "So Excellent", is on here. For now, just this once, I'll allow it – since Kylie Mole was massive in '88. You want a time capsule of Australia at this time, you can't really leave it out. Seriously, I was 10 at the time and everyone was quoting that chick. Would you believe that the lyrics for this song are nowhere to be found online? However, there is no doubt that the term "go spack" is among them. Ace!

Y'know, I really hated "I Want Your Love" by Transvision Vamp when I first heard it, but I don't mind it now. I guess, as a little kid, I didn't 'get' it. And? The comp closes with "Oh Yeah" by Yello, a song from 1985, but I guess it got a re-release and charted in 1988, reaching the top ten. It seems to fit in quite nicely here.

Rating: 7/10

Compilation Album Review: "Smash Hits '93"

Compilation: Smash Hits '93
Released: 1993 – Columbia
Number of tracks: 19
Number one singles: 3 — "Mr. Vain" by Culture Beat, "All That She Wants" by Ace Of Base", "You Don't Treat Me No Good" by Sonia Dada
Other top ten singles: 12
Best track: "Ebeneezer Goode" by The Shamen
Hidden gem: None, because I've heard them all.

Five months ago, I got The Best Of 100% Hits 93 and here's the Smash Hits equivalent (hey guys, '93' should have an apostrophe). I'm not going to compare the two, but it's obvious this comp is geared towards a pop-loving teen-idol audience, hence the inclusion of Jeremy Jordan, Dannii, Toni Pearen and a couple of other sad tossers. But from a chart performance point of view, 15 of the 19 songs here hit the top ten. Even "Stone Cold" by Jimmy Barnes which I have no memory of how it sounds.

Essential tracks on here are the opener "Mr. Vain", "Ebeneezer Goode" of course and 2 Unlimited's "No Limit", an ace techno anthem if ever there was one. I also liked, and still do, "Jump Around" by House Of Pain which deserved a higher chart peak than number 15. It has outlasted most of the other songs on here in terms of its presence in popular culture, so that reflects rather well on House Of Pain and their 'fine malt lyrics' [sic], I guess.

I also rather enjoy the world music/chillout tune "Sweet Lullaby" by Deep Forest and its Solomon Island native's vocals. Did they pay that person, I wonder?

I had forgotten that Terence Trent D'Arby (who has gone by the name Sananda Maitreya since 2001) reached number 9 with "She Kissed Me". I'd forgotten about this song, but it's really rather good. And even though it's cheesy with some rather naff lyrics, "Rump Shaker" by Wreckx-N-Effect is a guilty pleasure as well – but I wish it had more bass to it. It's a booty tune, dammit!

Rating: 7/10

Compilation Album Review: "1990 All The Rage"

Compilation: 1990 All The Rage
Released: 1990 – EMI
Number of tracks: 15
Number one singles: None
Top ten singles: 3
Best track: "The Power" by Snap!
Hidden gem: "Got To Get" by Leila K with Rob N' Raz (although I'd heard bits of it on the Megabass album, I hadn't heard the song in full)

Here's a compilation I have no recollection of when it came out – it sure wasn't an attention-grabber with its minimalist artwork and only three top ten singles on it. It's not bad though – there's a fair bit of stuff that's worth a repeat listen, notably Snap!'s barnstorming first single which put a new slant on dance music and proved themselves serious contenders in their genre, mostly down to the rapping talents of one Durron Maurice "Turbo B" Butler.

The highest-charting single on here is left till second-last, but it's a good'un. "Heart In Danger" by Southern Sons was a song that didn't grown on me till decades later, and it holds up well. Speaking of Oz Rok™, we have 1927. I actually think "Tell Me A Story", the lead single from their second album, is a better song than their biggest hit "If I Could" which somehow epitomizes late '80s pop-rock. And guess what, it is. It only charted at number 17 and the album's follow-up singles pretty much sank without trace, so this really is an under-appreciated song.

The rest of the stuff on here didn't really trouble the upper reaches of the charts, but who cares? You've got Black Box's third single "Everybody Everybody" which didn't do as well as their first two, and Electronic's "Getting Away With It" which only got to number 40 despite featuring that dude from Pet Shop Boys and possibly some dude from New Order. It pretty much sounds like a Pet Shop Boys single and they seemed to do well on the Australian charts, so what gives?

The aforementioned Leila K (pre-drugs) actually serves up a good house number and there's also The Chimes doing a U2 cover which ain't bad. The opening song "Show No Mercy" by Mark Williams is also pretty good – it got to number 8, one place higher than in his native New Zealand.

If you have good memories of the music of early 1990 – and I do – then you could do worse than giving this a spin.

Rating: 6/10

Compilation Album Review: "Smash Hits '95"

Compilation: Smash Hits '95
Released: 1995 – Columbia / Sony Music Australia
Number of tracks: 20
Number one singles: 1 – "Back For Good" by Take That
Other top ten singles: 8
Best track: "(He'll Never Be An) Ol' Man River" by TISM
Hidden gem: "Trick With A Knife" by Strawpeople

With a rather smart bowling-themed art conceit, Smash Hits '95 has the best opening track of every compilation I've heard (except Let's Do It 2), with a hit single by TISM – one of my favourite bands of all time. I wasn't a regular reader of Smash Hits magazine in 1995, but my sister was buying it and I'd occasionally read some of hers. I'm not sure if they ever covered TISM in their pages, but I'd like to think TISM's iconoclastic attitude appealed to Smash Hits' writers. So: does the rest of the comp live up to its brilliant opening selection?

Well, your response will vary according to your opinion of pop music in 1995. As per Smash Hits comps, there's plenty of dance tracks on offer. Dance, techno and rap offerings from Tokyo Ghetto Pussy, The Outhere Brothers and Corona keep up the energy level, then there's mid-tier offerings from Ini Kamoze, Interactive and Newton which are okay. And finally, some slow tempo tunes like "Put Yourself In My Place" by Kylie Minogue and the effortlessly cool "Evidence" by Faith No More.

There are two songs on here I'd never heard before which are really rather ace – "Fall" by Single Gun Theory and the Strawpeople track I've chosen as the hidden gem, because it's easily the third-best track on here. So if TISM was best, what was second best? Well, the Smash Hits gang have made the smart decision to end this comp with The Steppers' "Alice, Who The F..k Is Alice?" It's the clean (censored) version, but I don't really care; those bleeps are probably more hilarious than the version where you hear the swearing. Awesome. Any compilation that starts with "I'm on the drug that killed River Phoenix!" and ends with "Alice!...who the fuck is Alice!" will always stay in my good books.

Strike!

Rating: 7/10

Compilation Album Review: "100% Hits Volume 4"

Got a new compilation CD today in the post, $3.50 on eBay. Bargain! Let's get into it:

Compilation: 100% Hits, Volume 4
Released: 1992 – Warner Music Australia
Number of tracks: 18
Number one singles: 3 – "To Be With You" by Mr. Big, "Under The Bridge" by Red Hot Chili Peppers, "Marvellous!" by The 12th Man
Other top ten singles: 7
Best track: "One" by U2
Hidden gem: "Dream Alone" by Killing Time

For me, this is the point where it became obvious the 100% Hits series was here to stay. While previous comps Let's Do It had had two volumes and Hits Of '89 had spawned three, 100% Hits, in reaching a fourth volume, had now established itself as a lengthy series. Personally I liked the quirky names they used to come up with for compilations prior to 1991, and the inclusion of the year in the title — each with its own cover art conceit. From here on out, there would be no more of that.

Not that that had any bearing on the quality of the music therein. Boasting ten singles that made the Australian top 10, including three number 1s, there was a lot of good stuff on here. Although it starts out with the execrable Teen Queens hit, the likes of Vic Reeves, Voice Of The Beehive and Oceanic's ace rave anthem "Insanity" show that pop was on a high in 1992. Speaking of anthems, The Clouds' "Anthem", my favourite song of theirs, is also here towards the back. And speaking of high, The Cure's "High" is here too — a song that debuted at number 5 and plummeted out of the chart.

U2's "One" — my favourite song of theirs, too — is also kinda pushed back towards the end, while the extremely naff 4th Melissa single "Skin To Skin" is right up the front. As is "Dream Alone" by Killing Time, a hard rock band that somehow disappeared very quickly. I just looked it up and apparently this song reached number 23, which was news to me as I followed the charts very closely in 1992 and had no recollection of this song at all.

Concrete Blonde is also here. I reckon they've got a lot to answer for, for depressing us to buggery with that awful song "Joey" back in 1990. The comp finishes with The 12th Man and his MCG-related antics (anyone know why compilations tend to put novelty singles as the final track?). I'll always be perplexed as to why there was never a video made for this song, despite the fact that in the very lyrics, he says "You can see me on the TV". No we can't, mate. If you ever release a follow-up to this, make a bloody video! Learn from Weird Al: if you've got a comedy single, the video is probably more funny than the song on its own.


Rating: 7/10

Compilation Album Review: "Can't Beat The Music Volume 2"

Compilation: Can't Beat The Music Vol. 2
Released: 1992 – Festival
Number of tracks: 18
Number one singles: None
Top ten singles: 5
Best track: "Ordinary Angels" by Frente
Hidden gem: "Hey Boys" by Paul Kelly/Mark Seymour

Here's a somewhat lesser known compilation – although it was the second of three volumes – from 1992 that I believe was released between Volumes 4 and 5 of the 100% Hits series. Ahh, the memories of Year 9!

It's got mostly Australian content: "Djapana [Gapirri mix]" by Yothu Yindi, "That Word (L.O.V.E.)" by Rockmelons feat. Deni Hines, "Ain't Gonna Get" by Baby Animals, "Kickin' To The Undersound" by Sound Unlimited Posse and "Ordinary Angels" by Frente — all solid tracks — and also songs by Rick Price, Jimmy Barnes (with Tina Turner), Paul Kelly & Mark Seymour, Indecent Obsession, Kylie Minogue and Nathan Cavaleri (with Chris Bailey).

Apart from 2 Unlimited's "Get Ready For This" (although I wish they'd included the version with vocals), another solid techno track is L.A. Style's "James Brown Is Dead", also notable for being released in two different versions. The one here is the rap version, although the 'rock radio version' with sung verses ain't bad either. There's also "America: What Time Is Love" by The KLF, one of their 1991 singles that didn't get much attention in Australia. Which is too bad as it's almost as good as "Last Train To Trancentral", in my opinion.

There's some other stuff on here that didn't chart, or else it charted very briefly and escaped my attention (and I was still an avid chart follower in 1992). There's a Brazilian singer named Deborah Blando, who delivers a sappy ballad that actually is okay, even though ballads aren't my thing.

I'd also never heard Warrant, of all people, doing a cover of Queen's "We Will Rock You" that I guess was released as a single! Queen are one of those bands where you have to consider very carefully covering one of their songs, but I guess they do an okay job. I think it was for a Freddie Mercury tribute so it wasn't completely tossed off.

Rating: 6/10

Compilation Album Review: "Wiggle 'N' Sweat '91"

 

Compilation: Wiggle 'N' Sweat '91
Released: 1991 – BMG/Arista
Number of tracks: 18
Number one singles: 2 – "I've Been Thinking About You" by Londonbeat, "Sucker DJ" by Dimples D
Other top ten singles: 3
Best track: "Sucker DJ" by Dimples D
Hidden gem: "Whatcha Do To My Body" by Lee Aaron (boy, is this cheesy)

Here we have a splendidly-named collection from 1991, and didn't you love how, in the pre-100% Hits and Hit Machine days, the compilers would make up the names based on one of the song titles? I miss that.

Looking at the tracklisting, there are six songs on here that also appear on Video Smash Hits Dance Mix, which came out around the same time, and actually seven if you count "Mary Had A Little Boy" by Snap! which appears as part of the "Snap! Megamix" on the Video Smash Hits album, which you ought to, of course...

Then there's the fact that out of those six songs, all of them except one (Londonbeat) also appear on Smash Hits '91. I have no explanation for this – a bit of record company wheelin' n' dealin', perhaps? I have no idea why "Games", New Kids On The Block's lame attempt to sound like actual rough n' tough rappers, needs to be included on three compilation albums released in the same year, but I wasn't calling the shots so what do I know?

That aside, there's still a couple of good'uns amongst the doubled-up tracks. "Where Are You Baby?" by Betty Boo is still a fine tune and well worth the price of admission, and Daryl Braithwaite's "Rise" still sounds good too. Dazza and Warrant also appear on Smash Hits '91, but with different singles.

And, well, that's about it. Good clean fun. And for those curious, Lee Aaron hasn't aged a day.

Rating: 6/10

Compilation Album Review: "100% Hits Volume 14"

Compilation: 100% Hits Volume 14
Released: 1994 – Warner Music Australia
Number of tracks:18
Number one singles: 1 – "I Swear" by All-4-One
Other top ten singles: 3
Best track: "Lucas With The Lid Off" by Lucas
Hidden gem: "Born Dead" by Body Count

Kicking off with almost-number-one "100% Pure Love" by Crystal Waters, 100% Hits Volume 14 begins rather aptly with a song with "100%" in the title. The strongest songs on here are the aforementioned Lucas track (whatever happened to that guy?); "Rockin' For Myself" by Motiv 8 which inspired several dance tracks to copy its signature bassline; Tinman's "Eighteen Strings" which has a very Nirvana-sounding guitar riff; and "What's The Frequency, Kenneth?" by R.E.M. which I appreciate much more 25 years later than I did then.

Another song I didn't pay much attention to in '94 was "Regulate" by Warren G and Nate Dogg, but listening to it now, I can see what a landmark track it was in its genre. The inclusion of "I Love The Nightlife" by Alicia Bridges ain't bad either – it's good cheesy fun.

Ending with the Body Count track (the radio edit), it's a very unusual conclusion to this comp, but maybe the compilers wanted you to think about the struggles of minorities a bit before you take the CD out of the player.

Rating: 5/10

Compilation Album Review: "Hits Ride On"

Compilation: Hits Ride On
Released: 1989 – Concept
Number of tracks: 17
Number one singles: 2 — "She Drives Me Crazy" by Fine Young Cannibals, "You Got It (The Right Stuff)" by New Kids On The Block
Other top ten singles: 5
Best track: "She Drives Me Crazy" by Fine Young Cannibals
Hidden gem: "Nobody's Perfect" by Mike & The Mechanics

Happy birthday to me! And here's my present, arrived in the mail today. Hits Ride On is the first compilation in my collection from the 1980s (though no copyright year is given on it), issued by Concept Records – again, a rarity, as I don't think they released many of these. I like how the artwork shows a record player even though this is clearly a CD release. Just as well. Making variations of it would be pretty naff.

Guess what? In my twenties, I was pretty much averse to pop music from 1989. The little of it I'd heard was pretty forgettable, for the most part. It wasn't until much later I realized there was some ace stuff put out that year. Such as "She Drives Me Crazy" by Fine Young Cannibals, a song I heard back in 1989 and loved it, and still do now. One of the best songs of the '80s!

Another track on here is "Chained To The Wheel" by The Black Sorrows. This song always reminds me of doing aerobics on the lower playground in primary school. In 1990, when I was in Year 7, the Year 4 teacher Mr. Jennings would get the whole school to do exercises for just under ten minutes. He'd always choose the same two songs to exercise to, and this was one of them. (The other one was "Opposites Attract" by Paula Abdul, and I always expect that song to follow.)

I like Kate Ceberano's number 2 hit "Bedroom Eyes" now, but didn't think much of it at the time. Ditto "Baby I Don't Care" by Transvision Vamp, but it's a total "Wild Thing" rip-off, ain't it? On this CD they've faded it out at least a minute before the end (probably something done for space limitations on Side 1 of the vinyl release I'd guess). "Wait" by Gyan is also pretty solid, even if the lyrics read like a romance novel.

How on earth did New Kids On The Block get to number 1? Their music was bloody awful – they weren't much cop as singers, the lyrics were puerile, and the music was the same overproduced drum-machine crap. I guess the girls in my Year 6 class really did dictate the charts back then.

Speaking of those who aren't much cop as singers, Collette is on here with "Ring My Bell"! How she got a record deal, much less got to number 5 with this dreck is beyond me. The music video is worth watching just for the 'aesthetics' alone. My friend Jonathan's younger sister had Collette's album – on vinyl no less! We still give her shit about it today. Just kidding. I haven't seen her since 1992 or so.

Right at the end there's some stuff I'd never heard – "Touch The Fire" by Icehouse is one. Haha, those high notes are...really something. It also has a sax solo. Noice. Also, it doesn't have a fade ending. That's going against the '80s trend there. I'd no idea who Will To Power or Thirty Eight Special were, but I remember their names from an issue of Smash Hits. Will To Power do "Baby I Love Your Way", soon to be a reggae hit for Big Mountain in a few years.

Ride on, dude!

Rating: 7/10

Stationery: Brushes And Paints

More stationery, as promised! This time: a bunch of brushes from my personal collection. I'm no painter by any means (although I have done a few canvases), but a good variety of brushes are must-haves. The two stubby ones at the bottom left in this photo are stencil brushes, which I used to paint on cloth using fabric paint. The others are (from top) a sable fine brush from India, a fat Pentel from Japan, and the next two down I bought in Japan to try and write Japanese characters with. Finally, there are three water brushes – the two Pentel ones are indispensable for sketching in public. Very robust. The one at the bottom is a Korean one with a syringe-like 'plunger' system that is a bit unwieldy, but not bad.

 In this next photo are two paint sets I got in high school. These fairly battered yet robust tins are still my preferred way of carrying around a basic set of colours when needed.

And here is the interior of said tins, in case ya don't know what paints look like. The one at the bottom has been slightly modified over the years. And yes, 'THIS BITES' was written back in high school.

More stationery next time – rulers and stencils, to be precise.

Compilation Album Review: "Hit Machine 2"

Compilation: Hit Machine 2
Released: 1993 – Columbia
Number of tracks: 20
Number one singles: 2 – "Mr. Vain" by Culture Beat, "All That She Wants" by Ace Of Base
Other top ten singles: 5
Best track: "Three Little Pigs" by Green Jelly
Hidden gem: "More & More" by Captain Hollywood Project

With a decidedly video-game art conceit, it's the follow up to Hit Machine '93, giving the hint there would be many more Hit Machines to come. There would end up being 28 of them in fact, every single one of them topping the ARIA compilation album charts, until they were replaced by So Fresh – the most successful Australian compilation album series – with Hit Machine in second place. We're witnessing the birth of a behemoth here, friends. 

Anyway, back to the artwork. It says "Super Sonic" at the top and the drawing closely resembles a certain Italian plumber. Sonic and Mario were massive in 1993 – as a Sega owner I'd have to say Sonic more so, because of the massive recent success of Sonic 2. How this ties in to the music of they day is another matter; the Super Mario Bros. movie was still fresh in people's minds, so perhaps the thing that would link it all together is if the big ballad on that film's soundtrack, Roxette's "Almost Unreal", appears on here but unfortunately it does not. In fact it never showed up on any compilation, to my knowledge.

That aside, there are some standout tracks here. My personal faves are the demented metal-fest from Green Jelly (complete with memorable video – check it out if you wanna see the Big Bad Wolf get riddled with bullets courtesy of Rambo), Rage Against The Machine's "Killing In The Name" (the safe-for-granny no swearing version), Ween's "Push Th' Little Daisies", 2 Unlimited's "Tribal Dance", Inner Circle's "Bad Boys" and Freedom Williams' "Voice Of Freedom". All good stuff.

Also good are the two aforementioned chart-toppers, Sub Sub's "Ain't No Love (Ain't No Use)", and Terence Trent D'Arby's "She Kissed Me". Jeremy Jordan and Dannii can go suck it. If you ignore those two songs as is deserved, you've got one fine comp here. Super sonics, indeed.

Rating: 8/10

Compilation Album Review: "Let's Do It 2"

This is it, readers. I've posted several of these retro compilation reviews, but this is a special one – I actually owned it when it came out. Well, technically my family owned it. My sister and I asked my mum to buy it for us on cassette back in 1990. I wanted it for the tracks by Aerosmith and Technotronic, and my sister wanted it for...I can't remember. Anyway, I searched high and low looking for that cassette, to no avail. But I was lucky enough to get this CD copy in pretty much mint condition for only a dollar on eBay! Enough talk: let's do it (2).

Compilation: Let's Do It 2
Released: 1990 – WEA
Number of tracks: 16
Number one singles: 2 – "Love Shack" by The B-52s, "Janie's Got A Gun" by Aerosmith
Other top ten singles: 10
Best track: "Janie's Got A Gun" by Aerosmith
Hidden gem: There are no songs here I hadn't heard before.

The Black Box album Dreamland didn't use "Ride On Time" as its opening track, which is a bit of a shame. Thankfully, Let's Do It 2 does. Such an iconic song definitely demands – and gets – attention when it kicks off a collection of songs. It didn't get to number 1, but it bloody well should have.

The song that follows it is the only low point of this compilation: The B-52s execrable number 1 hit, the first of the decade – "Love Shack". I could tolerate it then, but now I can't stand to listen to more than five seconds of that junky piss-poor excuse for a song. If I never hear that dreck ever again it will be too soon.

Right, that's the negativity over with! It's all good from here on in. You might be fed up of songs like Kaoma's "Lambada" and Lisa Stansfield's twee and nebbishy "All Around The World" (the next two songs that follow), but I don't mind them in small doses. Milli Vanilli and Bad English follow, and although I'm not a fan of those songs, they (and most of the other 16 songs on here) hold a special place in my heart because they were the ones occupying the top 50 when I started following the charts on a weekly basis).

"Janie's Got A Gun" is one of my favourite songs of all time and I still love it now. Pump was the first album I ever got, and I've got some other Aerosmith albums since and it's still my favourite song by them. Just a brilliant, haunting song. After Motely Crue (the Motley Crue tribute act who prefer budget accommodation) and Martika, comes the seminal house track "Pump Up The Jam" by Technotronic, my fave song after Aerosmith in those early days. The inclusion of these two songs alone makes it worth the price. Hey, didn't I just say that's why I asked my mum to buy it all those years ago?

Things then go into a lull with Alannah Myles, Phil Collins, Linda Ronstadt & Aaron Neville and Michael Bolton, before it picks up towards the end with accordion-featuring "The Love We Make" by Girl Overboard, which was the only song I hadn't heard when I listened to the cassette. I think it'd finished its chart run by thew time I started watching Rage. The final track is "Just Like Jesse James" by Cher, a song I didn't mind – I definitely preferred it to her previous single "If I Could Turn Back Time" (and probably so did she, from what I've read).

This is how you put a compilation together. Just about every song here did well on the charts, and 10 of the 16 songs here made the year-end Top 30 for 1990. The average chart position of these 16 songs is between numbers 7 and 8 (it works out to be 7.5), and includes two number 1s, four number 2s, two number 3s and two number 4s. Was this a lucky coincidence? Or was early 1990 just a great time for pop music? I'd like to think the latter.

Rating: 9/10

 

2020 UPDATE: On July 5, 2020 at an antiques and collectibles market in Bendigo, Victoria (that was so good I visited it twice), I found Let's Do It 2 on vinyl. I didn't get it, because I already own it on CD, so I took the above photos for posterity. You can see that the record only has 14 tracks – the Motley Crue and Cher songs were dropped. The lineup remains solid.

Compilation Album Review: "Hits Of 1990 Volume 2"

Compilation: Hits Of 1990 Volume 2
Released: 1990 – EMI
Number of tracks: 18
Number one singles: 1 — "Opposites Attract" by Paula Abdul
Other top ten singles: 5
Best track: "Opposites Attract" by Paula Abdul
Hidden gem: "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Megadeth (!)

1990. You remember it. Well if you don't, that's too bad. You missed a killer year in music, and you ought to hang your head in shame. Do it now. Don't worry. I'll wait.

You missed Paula Abdul singing with an animated cat! I know, animation is everywhere now. You can probably produce something to Toy Story standards with a mobile phone app these days. But trust me, in 1990, this was something to behold. It takes serious ca$h to produce an animated pop promo. A-ha had done it, so had Peter Gabriel, now Paula Abdul was doing it. Result? A massive number 1 single.

You also missed some classic house. "Italo House Mix" by Rococo, "Numero Uno" by Starlight, "I Thank You" by Adeva – that last one wasn't big with me but ya get my drift – which are all here. And you missed "Dangerous" by Roxette which should've got more attention than those sappy ballads of theirs. And also "Sweet Surrender" by Wet Wet Wet. Okay, so it wasn't all good.

But most of all, you missed one of the best novelty songs of all time: "Check Out The Chicken" by Grandmaster Chicken and D.J. Duck. A song which came from The Netherlands, no less! I'd never have guessed that. And it had an animated video as well. Genius. You miss this, you're doing yourself a disservice.

Rating: 6/10

Stationery: Pens And Pencils

If you're familiar with my previous posts on this blog, or you know I'm an illustrator/comics artist, this won't come as a surprise, but – I love stationery! And it's not because of the graphic design and other arty stuff I do to occupy my time. My love of stationery goes right back to childhood. When my family emigrated to Australia in 1987, during our stop at Singapore Airport my mum asked my sister and I to choose a small treat from one of the gift shops there. My sister chose a pocket-sized book about the Pink Panther – a book being a useful thing to have on a long flight – but I made the slightly less practical choice of a dark green Stabilo Boss highlighter (the type pictured here).

Even before that I enjoyed drawing with broad-tipped marker pens, even whiteboard markers. And from that came a lifelong appreciation of stationery. I love it all: from the humble pencil and its various grades, to ball-point pens and fountain pens, to coloured markers, brushes, paints, rulers, stencils, and various weights of paper. Not to mention the lesser-used items such as hole punchers, pencil sharpeners, staplers and drawing pins.

I produce most of my work using a computer. In a digital-obsessed world, I think it's important to swing back to those often-overlooked and ubiquitous items that are found on many an office or artists' desk. You can't beat the tactile feel of pens, paper, and other necessities. It is these items I'm posting about here – notable examples from my personal collection. First up: pens and pencils.

On the left here are five interesting pens (well, interesting to me, anyway). At the top is one of those novelty pens that lights up with a blue light. I call it a spy pen, and it was given to me in 2015. I also had one a decade earlier. There's a yellow Sheaffer fountain pen I use fairly regularly with a chunky barrel. Below that is a pale blue Paper Mate 'Tandem', a ballpoint/mechanical pencil combo that first came out in the late '80s. I was given this one in 1989 in primary school, and I still use the pencil. Then come a couple more novelty pens: one from my dad's old workplace in Overseal, England and the other from Britannia airlines – it was bought for me on board a flight to Spain in 1987. So that green highlighter wasn't my first plane-related pen purchase after all.


Next is half a set (my sister got the other half) of Berol Notewriter fine-point markers which were given to me in 1997. If you look closely at the bottom of the box they came in, you can see they were manufactured in December 1982. They still worked when I got them, and they still work now after 25 years (although I haven't used them constantly, of course). All the teachers at my first school in England used these. Berol supplied to the Queen – not hard to see why.

Can you read Japanese on that brown pen? It says Penteru hagaki fude pen (tsuin). It is made by the top Japanese pen company Pentel, and hagaki means postcard, so I'm guessing that's what most Japanese people would use it for – new year's greeting cards and the like. Fude means brush, so it's a brush pen to help you write in that authentic brushstroke style, and tsuin is just the English word twin: it has a much finer (and non-brushy) point on the other end. I don't know if these were sold outside Japan, but I got this one when I was there, in 2001. (I used it to write a thankyou card to one of the teachers at my school for lending me her bike, which went down well!) The three pencils are just reliable ones I use, in particular the blue Staedtler 4H Mars Lumograph, most excellent for my comic pencilling, and I haven't needed to sharpen it in over 15 years. The purple one is a 2H Mitsubishi pencil. And you thought they only made cars, huh.

Next time: more stationery. Paint and brushes, to be precise.

Eurovision Results Map 2017

Another Eurovision Song Contest done, and for the fourth time, here is my Eurovision stats map.

There were three countries that improved their previous best results this year. Bulgaria placed second and Moldova third (Moldova's song "Hey, Mamma!" was my personal favourite). And Portugal! They won for the first time in 49 attempts! Well done, Portugal. I always like it when a country wins that has never won before. This is the 20th Eurovision I have watched to date, and I have seen a country win for the first time on ten occasions: Estonia in 2001, Latvia in 2002, Turkey in 2003, Ukraine in 2004, Greece in 2005, Finland in 2006, Serbia in 2007, Russia in 2008, Azerbaijan in 2011 and now Portugal.

Highlights of the contest: Moldova's so called "epic sax guy"; Salvador Sobral performing the winning song at the end with his sister Luisa, who'd written it; and Katrina Leskanich (the UK jury spokesperson) telling the hosts that she won Eurovision for the UK in 1997, to which host Volodymyr Ostapchuk told his co-host Oleksandr Skichko that 1997 was the year he (Oleksandr) was born (actually it isn't, he was born in 1991. Phew! I felt really old for a moment there).

And the winning song was performed in the country's native language, for the first time since 2007!

About time, I say.

Lowlights: Israel's possible withdrawal from the Contest permanently; and that moronic prat who bared his spotty backside on stage during the voting performance by Jamala while wearing an Australian flag.

Brunswick

Following on from yesterday's post about the Homecooked Comics Mini-Mart, I thought I'd post a selection of photos from the streets (Sydney Rd and Victoria St, to be precise) of Brunswick. I've lived in Melbourne for 12 years now, and this was the first time I had been to Brunswick. So, what did we find?

Well, firstly and quite surprisingly, the suburb of Brunswick has a 'sister city' relationship with the Greek city of Sparta, and one of Brunswick's streets bears its name. The ancient Spartan king Leonidas is commemorated in statue here. I had to slightly move the floral wreath someone had placed, so I could get the plaque in shot.

Two views of a hand-painted signal box on the street corner – a bit of street art done by primary school kids. You can make out the name 'St. Joseph's' and the initials of what I assume are the contributors.

I like photographing old, faded hand-painted signage, and this 'Nestlé's Chocolate' above a shop is a fine example.

Near the Blyth St intersection, a shop called 'Mary Eats Cake'. I'm sure she does. 

A closeup of a shop front's decorative tiles, and what look like two bullet holes. I'm sure they're not though.

Putting stickers on things is much more preferable to graffiti, kids.

This was in a shop window. Interesting.

More of the same tiles further down the road. Perhaps these shop fronts were all tiled at the same time. 'NO POSTERS' warns a handwritten sticker. Better do as it says.

Last of all, a nice lighting display in a shop selling...I forget now. Perhaps Middle Eastern craft items.

One more thing about Brunswick: for some reason it was the suburb whose name was chosen to be the largest on the fabric design that now graces some of Melbourne's train seats. Why? Us mere mortals shall never know.

Homecooked Comics Mini-Market

Today was the Homecooked Comics Mini-Market for 2017. Whereas last year's event was held at the Town Hall in Northcote, due to issues with that venue, this year's event was scaled down and held instead at the Squishface comics studio (and adjoining studio space) in Victoria Street, Brunswick.

Despite the space constraints, we still had room enough for my books on sale, and those of SCAR, who couldn't attend due to other commitments.

Even though not as many people attended as customers, I still managed to make one sale and one for SCAR as well, which was satisfying.

Thanks to Sarah Howell and Ben Hutchings for hosting us on the day, and Cristian Roux for having a chat. It was great seeing the artwork of all these creators. See you next year! I'll post tomorrow about some sights we saw in Brunswick after the event finished.

New Layout

After at least 5 years, I thought this blog was long overdue for a layout redesign, so here it is!

The background image is a watercolour illustration I did in the middle of the night 3 years ago, and the new header features Sugar from Airbury.

Phantastique

I am somewhat privileged to say that I have worked on the page layouts for Steve Carter and Antoinette Rydyr's brand new full colour graphic novel, Phantastique. A mix of sci-fi and horror, from the thrilling to the bizarre, and drawing on 30 years' worth of material, this 104-page book is being launched at Melbourne's Supanova event on April 30, 2017.

Although I did the layup for their previous graphic novel Weird Worlds, this time I also coloured a two-page story titled "Seeds Of Death". You can see the first page of this in the Facebook post screencap below.

 Like the look of this? Head on over to SCAR's website, and bring the kiddies, why don't'cha.

Making Comics Is Hard (So Why Bother?)

Yeah, making comics sucks sometimes.

So why bother? While everyone is out having a good time – boozing it up and smoking pot and sniffing coke – you're sat on your lardy proverbial, drawing dorky characters in a dimly-lit room with naff '80s hair metal playing on a busted ghetto blaster, while garlic prawns simmer in a bain maree out the back.

Of course, it's a waste of time. No one's gonna read this crap. Comics are for kids, man. Who even reads anymore? None of the 'sophisticated adults' I know would be caught dead reading this junk. Why don't you just go get your qualification to be a dentist, like Aunt Lisa wanted.

Comics? Nothin' to it, I tell ya. Money for old friggin' rope. But like I told ya before, anyone can churn out this stuff if they really want to. With the right presets and page templates, plus a good comic lettering typeface you nicked offa 1001 fonts dot com, you can churn out inconsequential fluff at a rate of a thousand pages a year. No one's going to read it though. Because nobody reads comics.

Ah, but they do. Well, one person actually.

That's right. Only one piddling little insignificant person out there wants to read your comics. That person is but a speck of dust upon a germ upon a pinhead. But to you that person is the be-all and end-all, to use an old biddy's term. That person is your audience. You must get back to your drawing table. Get your flabby arse-cheeks upon that seat. For them!

Because you see –

Even if only one person is reading your comic you still have to do it. Keep on drawing it. If anyone tells you not to bother and give up and get a job putting tools into bags, you can tell that person to 'naff orf'. Just finish that comic. ASAP.

And when you do, send me a copy. I could do with a good laugh.

Viva La Causeway!

Wandering around the City of Melbourne on this typically balmy autumn evening I noticed a double banger of the street-sign variety. Someone out there really wants you to know that this nondescript alleyway is, in fact, called 'The Causeway'.

I used to live in Perth, for my sins, and over there there's a road called The Causeway, too. It's a road that leads into the city, and has several lanes, or something. It's not a tiny city backstreet for hobos and bums to have a slash in.

But! Be that as it may. This insignificant laneway has been bestowed an unusual honour by the people who erect street signage in the 3000 postcode. Not only does it have its authentic olde-tyme white-on-black rustic sign but also the new, government-approved white-on-blue one, with its new-fangled 'lower case' lettering.

Someone's takin' th' piss, yeh? I can't see why anyone would see fit to have two signs. What, is the old one too illegible? Did they think no one would believe that was the correct name?

All I'm saying is, the people who make the decisions that we all have to live by, are plonkers.

Top Ten Flashback: April 4, 1992

Welcome back to 1992! This week 25 years ago, I was but a mere 13 year old regular watcher of the chart countdown on Rage. It wasn't a typical week for popular music when you recall the prevailing musical trends of the early '90s, so there were a few surprises in store – two debuts in the top ten being one, as that didn't happen very often back then. Let's check out the top ten in this recap of the Australian singles charts for the week ending Saturday, April 4, 1992.




10.  James Blundell & James Reyne – "Way Out West" º
Nothing extra special to mention about this song, except this was its first appearance in the top 20. It wasn't typical for country songs to chart at that time, let alone so high. I lived in Western Australia at the time, so I imagine the lyrics would have resonated with plenty of people in my then-home state, as would the photo of the hapless twit on the single cover.

 9.  Genesis – "I Can't Dance"
This is the only song by Genesis I like, although I must admit I've only heard about three of their songs. This was the last hit single they had. The vocals and lyrics leave a bit to be desired, but I still like it because I can't dance either. The piss-taking music video is quite fun too, and I really like that hard snare hit that kicks in towards the song's end.





 

8.  Diesel – "Tip Of My Tongue"
Diesel, real name Mark Lizotte, formerly known as Johnny Diesel, formerly formerly known as Johnny Diesel & The Injectors, was one of Australia's most popular male solo artists at the time. This was his biggest hit, reaching number 4.





 
7.  Def Leppard – "Let's Get Rocked" ºº
Kicking off the so-called 'grunge' scene in Australia were of course Nirvana, whose breakthrough hit "Smells Like Teen Spirit" had reached its peak position of number 5 only four weeks earlier. But now, debuting here at number 7 was this slab of stadium rock. It sort of became a cult favourite among my fellow Year 9 students at school, and I remember the 3D-animated dude in the video (pictured at top) being somewhat of a slacker totem. This was also the year of Wayne's World, so it tied in with that theme, if not musically.


 
6.  2 Unlimited – "Get Ready For This"
It would reach its peak of number 2 the following week, but this lyricless (although I prefer the mix with rap and vocals) techno anthem was on its way up the charts. Having been hooked on the song from first listen, I bought the single pretty much straight away and played it to a friend – something I didn't do very often. I reckon it's held up well after 25 years, as sports promos are still using it.




 
5.  The Cure – "High" ºº
Argh! Sorry, but I can't stand The Cure (or just 'Cure' as they were billed on singles and album covers from this era). So for me, everything about this was forgettable, except that in debuting at number 5, it gave the band their highest debut position in Australia and was actually the second-highest debut for 1992. The highest was–






4.  U2 – "One"
Yep, you guessed it, U2. Although it entered the chart the previous week at number 4 but progressed no further than its debut position, "One" was 1992's highest-debuting single. Still my favourite U2 song, Rage only showed the 'running buffalo' video for the song which is the one I like the most of the three that were produced. Simple but effective, its lack of action makes you concentrate on the lyrics a bit more.




 
3.  Vic Reeves & The Wonder Stuff – "Dizzy"
Yeah, it's an okay song. I personally found it a bit too long, but I guess that's what radio edits are for.








 
2.  Julian Lennon – "Saltwater"
This heartfelt ballad about environmental concerns, a common theme in the '90s, had just lost its number 1 position from last week, having been there for 4 weeks. I didn't mind the song, but I'm not real big on ballads. Next!






1.  The 12th Man – "Marvellous"
Australian comedian Billy Birmingham (12th Man) (Capt.) had turned his cricket-related comedy into a hit single. Normally I suppose he was more of an albums type of guy, as you had to listen to an album's-worth of material to really get into it. Now, I can't bloody stand cricket, I think it's the most boring game ever invented, but I liked this song 25 years ago and I reckon it's pretty ace now. Come to think of it, rapping in a broad Australian accent was pretty groundbreaking in 1992. There were leaders in Aussie hip-hop like Sound Unlimited Posse but I don't think the 12th Man was following their lead; I've read that "Do The Bartman" by The Simpsons was a possible influence here. Anyway, I might not have caught all the cricket gags, but it worked well as a song, as its chart-topping status proved.